Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
