So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
