If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
