Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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