I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
