Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
