Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
