i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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