what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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