Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
