I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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