i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize