So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
