my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize