ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
