someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my being single is dangerous.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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