i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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