Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
