I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
