my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
