what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i out mim tonsoeep
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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