He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
