For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize