so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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