The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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