sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
