Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
