Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We named our party play list daddy issues
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
