Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
