I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
