Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
