No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have post one night stand depression
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
