I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
