Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
