there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
