i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
