i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
