This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
