I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
