I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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