i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
