Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Vodka?
Forever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
