did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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