I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
