I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
