Im at strip club and am horny
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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