I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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