You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
