can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
