Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
