Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
