If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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