Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
