Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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