and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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