woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize