Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
