i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The air was thick with penises
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
