That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
