Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
