It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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