is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
