Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
