I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
