So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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