Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
